About 8 months ago, my Canadian relatives visited us in Trinidad for vacation, this was during the time when I was still awaiting the approvals to make the move to Canada. My nephew-in-law asked me ‘how does it feel to be starting over’? Meaning that we would be starting from scratch in a new country. I naively responded “We won’t be starting over, we’re continuing, we’ve gained all this experience, knowledge, etc. over the years, those things will help us in our new home’.

Guess what? 6 months into this new life and I am eating those words…IT IS like starting over. Registering kids in school, opening accounts, looking for a place to live, no credit score, looking for jobs, learning to drive, all of it: starting over.

How can I not mention the weather though? I have never been this cold before. The cold sinks into your bones and sits there, refusing to move. It’s as if it too seeks refuge. The thing I miss the most? Sunshine. Hot sun, coating your skin in glorious vitamin D goodness.

I researched on my own, but nothing prepared me for what was to come. I am not alone though, in his article for Readers Digest, Deepak Kashyap outlines what he wish he knew before moving to Canada, describing it as a “culture shock” (Kashyap, 2019).

The biggest surprise for me, was in my own feelings and how intense they were. I had prayed for this, worked toward it, planned and felt incredibly blessed to be getting what I wanted. The feelings of doubt, homesickness, uncertainty and not belonging washed over me in a strong violent wave. I was depressed for weeks.

Through an elective course in my first semester I found out about Seasonal Affective Disorder and I think that this coupled with my homesickness had an emotional toll on me. (Do you think you experience S.A.D in the winter? Share your experience in the comment section below).

To say that it’s humbling is an understatement. It’s more like being planted somewhere, but you’re a seed once more and you have to learn to push toward the sun again, to break through the surface before you can see growth again.

I am trying to stay focused on why we made the move in the first place and the possibilities that lie ahead with the foundation that we’re building. I am remembering to be grateful and enjoy the journey and to appreciate all the moments, as they go by so fast.

I am also comforted by the fact that starting over is not a bad thing and that it’s o.k to fear change, once you remember to be terrified of regret.

References

Kashyap, D. (2019). Readers Digest. Retrieved January 22nd, 2020, from Readers Digest Canada: https://www.readersdigest.ca/travel/canada/moving-to-canada/

System, M. C. (Director). (2018). Seasonal Affective Disorder [Motion Picture].

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